Some say that everything happens for a reason. While this is normally just a crutch for people to get over their own shortcomings, this axiom is true in some cases. It's especially true when Bud Light is rigging NFL games to get as much juice as possible out of their commercials.
Do you remember all of those stupid 'Superstition' ads that Bud Light has been running all season long? Well, while you sheeple were laughing at Ramsey's antics, Bud Light was spoiling the NFL Playoffs for you. They even used a Stevie Wonder song in the commercials to ridicule you for being so blind to all of this. Ladies and gentlemen, Bud Light is the NFL's Illuminati, the Budluminati, if you will. Here's your proof.
Exhibit A: Ramsey is a Patriots fan who sure loves to yell, and is yelling his team right into the AFC Championship Game.
Pretty innocuous, right? Oh, we're just getting started.
Exhibit B: This idiot has discovered that sequestering himself in his basement results in the Denver Broncos scoring. Probably should have stayed down there for the second half of the game against New England this season, amirite!?!?
Whoa, this is getting a little weird. It's as if a pattern is starting to develop here.
Exhibit C: As if wearing black light parties for uniforms wasn't superstitious enough, our friend here comes to the realization that the Dawson's Creek theme song fills Russell Wilson with poise.
Three for three. And don't think the Budluminati forgot the final team left in this year's playoffs.
Exhibit D: Our protagonist breaks into his old apartment to sit in his lucky seat, magically healing Michael Crabtree and preventing a Jim Harbaugh heart attack in the process.
Come on, Bud Light and NFL. Did you really think that we were all too stupid to notice what you were doing here? At least give us a SPOILER ALERT before you run this garbage next season. And, while you're at it, try and incorporate the Giants next season, because watching Eli suck with such consistency this year was a real drag.
UPDATE (12:28 AM): My good friend and fellow University at Albany alum Jeremy pointed out to me that Seattle and San Francisco have scored 23 points in all three of their playoff games.
Also, fellow Great Dane James points out that the Philadelphia Eagles won the NFC East this year on the strength of quinoa.
Quinoa? More like Quinspiracy.
UPDATE (10:31 AM): This thing runs as deep as Peyton Manning himself. The Budluminati will not be stopped, just like the Broncos offense.